This To Shall Prepare Me – Part 1

asdfdf

Here’s Looking at You Kid

Time seems to fly by doesn’t it? When we were younger, we just couldn’t wait to grow up and it seemed to take forever to get here. But as we get older, the more time flies! I spent a bit of time reorganizing my home office and in the process came across some old photo albums. I started looking at some pictures from high school. Growing up in the 80s I had the obligatory big, permed hair, blue eye shadow and very bright clothes. Ahhhh yes… the 80s! Then the 90s rolled through the pictures. The shoulder pads hung in there for quite some time, as did the big hair. Year after year flew through the pictures as the styles changed, the scenery changed and Kathie changed. I was watching myself grow up and laughing at so many of the clothes I wore, the hair I poofed and the situations I found myself in.

 

At some point through this process I started looking past the hair and makeup mishaps, and started reflecting on what was going on inside that girl that was growing up. I’m guessing that I wasn’t too different than the other teens and twenty-somethings who were feeling somewhat uncomfortable in the body that they were given. I always felt too tall, too plump and awkward. I used to make excuses for being tall and wore flats quite often to ‘fit in’. I know some girls around the same height who used to slouch to try to look a bit shorter and my mother simply would not allow me to do that. My mom, who was tall for her generation at 5’ 7” and an ex-ballerina would always ensure I was standing tall and have good posture. If I was sitting on the ground and slouching, she would come up behind me, put her hands on my shoulders and pull them back to get me to sit up straight. You’ll thank me when you’re older she used to say. And go figure, she was right!

 

So often, our toughest critic is ourselves. It’s that inner voice that tells us that we’re too tall or too short, too fat or too thin, or whatever your personal struggle may be. And you know, in some cases it just might be true. Sometimes it’s that voice that propels us to bring our best foot forward. But sometimes, it’s just an over critical voice that needs to have some kind of governor applied to it. Sometimes the voice originates from within, and sometimes it’s society or those in our lives that tell us that we’re not good enough. Way back when, I was approached to do some modeling. I had some pictures taken and they came out pretty good but at 5’ 11” and 138 pounds, I was considered a plus size model. PLUS SIZE! Today I look at that and think what? Yeah I was plus size, zero plus a size. But back then I was devastated and thoroughly embarrassed. I was already a very shy girl who lacked self-confidence and that certainly didn’t help matters.

 

And that’s when it hit me, when I was looking back at the pictures I could look much more objectively at myself and focus on the positive and see the good both inside and on the outside of me. But when we’re in the moment, when we’re looking in the mirror we often see those few extra pounds hanging on or the not-so-perfect face or whatever our personal battles are. But if we could stop and imagine ourselves in the future, say another 10 to 20 years from now looking back at where we are today would we see ourselves differently? Would we see a person who was just finding their way through life and looking great doing it and wondering why on earth we were so hard on ourselves? I’m guessing that in the future I’ll look back through my pictures of today and see a woman who was smiling from my heart while she’s enjoying and learning from the experiences of today.

 

I know that I have a lot of work to do quiet the critical voice that needs quieting, and listen where I need to listen. But ever since looking through those pictures and realizing how I look at the younger Kathie, it’s made me often rethink how I’m judging myself today and what the older (and God willing, wiser) Kathie will think when I look back at me in my 40s. Hopefully, I’ll still be giving myself a good laugh and think damn she was finally coming into her own….

At Your Service

Happy Friday!

 

It is better to give than receive…

 

We’ve all heard this saying from the bible before, but how many of us truly take the time to put it into practice? What I’ve been noticing is that a growing number of people are recognizing the importance of giving and working to make giving back a part of their lives.

 

I met with a friend for breakfast this morning to talk about business and brainstormed on ways to work as smartly as possible to build a business we would be proud of having. What I loved was that giving back absolutely had to be a part of the mix for her. This same attitude seems to be slowly infiltrating our culture in such a wonderful way from the Hollywood elite to the everyday man. I saw Wil Smith being interviewed yesterday and he shared that his goal is to contribute to society and the planet in someway everyday. This concept of giving back is also evident in the Mayan calendar that so many of us are hearing more and more about.

 

The Mayan calendar tracks our evolution going back over 16 billion years and ‘ends’ on December 21, 2012. Many doomsday speculators believe that this day marks the end of our civilization and possibly the planet. But according to many scholars, that’s not the case at all. One of the foremost authorities on the Mayan Calendar is Ian Lungold and he has documented the cycles of evolution as marked in the calendar with the current cycle being the conscious development of ethics and the next, and final cycle being a time when we’re consciously co-creating (http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/Ian_Xel_Lungold/id/2209). Being a person who likes to look at the positive side of things, I’m going to hang my hopes on Ian’s interpretation, rather than the doomsday folks.

 

I also really like the idea of a world where we’re all working together to help one another to co-create rather than worry about “what’s in it for me”. I realize it has a bit of a Star Trek feel to it, but heck would that be so bad? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were all using our God-given talents to work towards the betterment of man? And isn’t that the direction that we’re slowing heading in? With the collapse of Enron and many other power-hungry businessmen slowly finding their worlds crumbling around them we are seeing more and more self-improvement seminars popping up (often for free), motivational books and study groups all intended to help make this a better place for all of us. I remember my first exposure to the world of sales and being taught the “ABCs” of sales (Always Be Closing). Then there was McDonald’s motto; if there’s time to lean, there’s time to clean. I didn’t last at Mickie D’s very long. Today we have the client is always right, keeping balance in our lives, and win-win business models leading the charge into the next evolution. You’re no longer considered “woo woo” if you say that you don’t ‘resonate’ with someone or if a situation just doesn’t ‘feel right’. Many of us are following our ‘gut’ on decisions and very happy we did.

 

So what does feel right? I think that answer is different for everyone, as it should be. But I’ve never heard anyone say that they wish they didn’t volunteer at some shelter or read a book to a child. I think it’s a really exciting time to be on the planet and a really great time to consider volunteering or giving something back if you aren’t already. And if you are, thank you! You’re helping to make our little world a better place and it’s much appreciated!

 

We can contribute in much smaller ways as well. When we’re confronted with a situation, if we ask ourselves how we can help make a situation better or ensure that everyone involved benefits, the outcome is so much better for all. It seems that no matter what job or business you’re in these days, you’re in the service industry. If we all choose to do our best and help each other along the way, we’ll all be better off in the end.

De-Masking Moments

Happy Friday!

 

Happy Halloween!! So, are you planning on dressing up for the day? Will you becoming a witch, a monster, a movie character? It’s always fun to become someone else for a short time, think about who we’d like to be for a day and then put our mask on and venture out in the world.

 

Question is; Is Halloween the only day we do this?

 

This same theme has popped up in many different forms this week and I would have to say that the answer is no, we put on masks almost everyday. When we’re in sales, as many of us are, it’s imperative that we put a smile on our face and not let our client know if there are issues that we’re dealing with. Well, ok, that may be in a perfect world or if the issues aren’t too great and understanding that some of us are better at that than others. But what would happen if we did show all our cards, kept our heart on our sleeve and showed every thought on our face. Our clients just might go running in the opposite direction!

 

I had a somewhat brief conversation with a wonderful woman this week about something very similar. She told me that when she was a child she had a pretty bad home life in another country. They were very poor and there was constant arguing in the home. But you would never know it to look at this girl when she ventured out in the world. She said that friends would say that she must have the world at her fingertips. She always had a smile on her face, was always upbeat and walked with her head held high. And when people told her that they thought she had it all, she let them go right on thinking that. Now in the prime of her life with some of the laugh-lines showing on her face, she gave a little laugh as though she was that little girl hiding her dark secret.

 

Another absolutely amazing woman shared something very personal with me this week. For the sake of her confidence, I won’t share specifically what it is, but suffice it to say that it’s a skill that most of us take for granted. She’s a very inspiring woman who has lead many on their path to success and yet struggles with this deficiency and very few know. The guilt and shame that she struggles with on a daily basis is more than I can honestly imagine, but I could see a glimpse of it when she came out from behind her mask. I’ve often found that the ones that we see as the most self-assured and ‘together’ people (particularly women), often have this little known trauma or issue that they buried deep in the back of their closet. Mine is behind my shoes J.

 

I had yet another conversation with one of my best friends just yesterday (yes, I talk a lot…) where we shared some of the struggles and challenges we’re going through. Mine was a bit more obvious on the surface, embarking on a new career and in the midst of making the very important decision on which direction I should follow. But when I pulled away my mask and told her what the real challenge is, I found a true friend giving me the support that I needed and more than I thought I could receive. The really cool part? It made me feel stronger and allowed me to turn around and support her right back!

 

So today when so many of us will be wearing the obvious masks associated with the holiday, perhaps we can take a moment to think about what that mask might be hiding in their everyday life and then take the time, if appropriate, to get closer with the person and help them feel comfortable putting their mask to the side, even if it’s only for a short time. Little by little we may find that we have ‘de-masking moments’ more often in our lives and allow ourselves to be vulnerable with the people who care and will support us. I know it made a tremendous difference in my day, my week, my life and brought me even closer to my dear friend [Heart2Heart].

 

Make it a great day!

Time to Spread My Wings

Happy Friday!

 

I can’t help noticing all the changes that are happening around me, around us. There’s the obvious changes; a presidential election, the state of the economy, the end of another year. There’s also a lot of change going on in my little corner of the world; career changes, marital status, and moving. So what does it all mean? What are we supposed to do with it? How do we process it?

 

Ahhh… now that’s the question isn’t it. How do we process changes when we’re confronted with them? For some, we bury our heads in the sand and then wonder why we have sand in our eyes. For others, we embrace the change and forge ahead on the new course. I can’t help but think of the little caterpillar. It’s a happy little creature and has many little legs and feet all working together to move the body along in one direction. It’s main goal in life is to eat (sounds like some people I know J) in order to get all the nourishment it can before it moves onto it’s next stage in life. It then hunkers down and works on changing itself into a butterfly, it’s final and most beautiful stage of life.

 

This process is not too different from what we do through our life cycle. In the early stages we’re focused on learning all we can, feeding our brains and souls if you will, for the later stages of life. Then we take this knowledge, mix in our God given talents and use it to transform ourselves into the man or woman we are meant to become. So many successful women these days say that their life really began in their 40s or 50s. During a conversation with a very successfully woman this week, she had indicated that she felt like she came into her own when she was 42. Louise Hay, who wrote You Can Heal Your Life and is famous for her work with positive affirmations, began her career at 42. Since I’m 42 this year, I couldn’t help take it as a sign that this is the year that I’m supposed to kick off my transformation. Perhaps starting my Weekly Inspiration this year was the first step.

 

Before the butterfly can become it’s final self, it has to do the work to build it’s wings and then breakout of the cocoon (chrysalis) on it’s own. If someone helps it through the process or breaks down the barrier for them, the butterfly doesn’t fully develop. While I do believe we all need a little help in our lives, in the end we really need to do the work ourselves to grow into the person we can become.

 

So perhaps the next time you’re confronted with a major change in your life, you may want to consider if this is your time to transform into the person that you’re meant to be. With a little hard work, determination and confidence in yourself, you may be able to take the change that you’re confronted with and turn it into something really positive and life ‘changing’.

 

And this is precisely how I’m choosing to look at the changes in front of me. I’d like to take this opportunity to let everyone know that October 31^st will be my last day with LandAmerica. Over the years with Capital Title and then LandAmerica, I have met some absolutely wonderful people, learned a lot about this industry and perhaps most importantly, learned a lot about myself. While I will miss many things about my current position, I’m very excited about the next stage in my life.

 

I will be staying in the Real Estate industry putting my license to work as a full-time agent. I will be taking some time to investigate what opportunities are available before I make a final decision on where I’ll ultimately hang my license. But you can’t get rid of me too easily J. Because I truly love teaching and coaching, in addition to being a full-time agent I will also be providing the following services to my fellow agents across the valley;

 

• Renewal Hour Classes
  • Intro to FlexMLS
  • Advanced FlexMLS
  • Microsoft for Realtors
• One-on-one Consultations
  • FlexMLS
  • Wise Agent
  • Microsoft and Basic Computer Assistance
  • Business Coaching
• Send Out Cards

 

I’ll also be continuing to send this Weekly Inspiration email, but look for it from my personal email address; Kathie@Dare2DreamLLC.com. If you have any questions or concerns I will be using my LandAmerica email and phone through next week so feel free to call or email.

 

I’m really excited about the new chapter in my life and discovering how my life will unfold in the years to come and looking forward to continuing with the Weekly Inspirations and communicating with all of you!

 

Hope you have a wonderful weekend and perhaps take a bit of time to spread your wings as well!

Hiking Up That Hill

Happy Friday!

 

I’ve never known a man worth his salt who, in the long run, deep down in his heart, didn’t appreciate the grind, the discipline.
– Vince Lombardi

 

Earlier this week, I went on a pretty awesome hike with really awesome ladies. I almost didn’t go. A bit earlier in the day, I had a pretty emotional conversation with a friend where we were sharing difficult times that we had each gone through, similar experiences with equally painful memories. It was very therapeutic to share (thank you Kathy!), but left me with some lingering sadness as the hiking time approached. Then I remembered something Tony Robbins said recently. He recommended that when we’re going through difficult times, it takes a real toll on us emotionally and one way of combating that is with physical exertion. So OK Tony, hiking it is.

 

I met my friend there a bit early as it has been a while since we’ve been able to catch up. Just being with her helped to boost my energy, I think she has enough energy to share with 10 people! Then the others arrived and away we went. The trail started off fairly level and with the quick pace we were keeping I thought that the hike was going to end up being a fast-paced stroll through the desert, which I would have welcomed. Then we took a literal turn up hill. I took a glance up and thought ok, this isn’t too bad. It was pretty steep but not very long. Big deal, work hard for a few minutes, push my way through, get to the top, do the Rocky dance and turn around. After 3 more turns on the uphill climb I asked if we were almost at the top. The laughter coming from my friend gave me a pretty solid ‘NO’. Okie dokie. Grab some more water and keep climbing.

 

Shortly after finding out that we were no where near the top I got a glimpse of where the top was. I better loose 10 lbs on this hike, was the first thought that came to mind. What the heck am I doing was the second. But good conversation quickly took my mind off the challenge and I just kept plugging away as the rest of our team did. Because we were all in the Real Estate industry, the conversation naturally focused on the current challenges of the market condition and what everyone was doing about it; keep a positive attitude, think outside the box, and focus on productive tasks were some of the plans of action.

 

Before too long, we found ourselves at the top of the trail and touching the fence that marks the finish line (SUCCESS!). Since the sun was setting very quickly, there was no time for our Rocky dance (dang it!) and we quickly started our way back down the trail. It only took another couple minutes to find ourselves with our next challenge. Making our way down the trail in the dark. Thankfully we had a bright moon to help light the trail and we methodically took step after step towards home.

 

Ironically, one of the conversations as we were on our downward slope was about hard work. Over the past few years, I’ve had a few Realtors come to me and say that they wanted to have a presence and a book of business that matched our top Realtors in the valley, Russell Shaw to be exact, and they felt that as a sales rep for a title company I should be the one to make that happen for them. This always led us into a discussion of the path that makes one successful. I personally have never heard of anyone who wakes up one day and is a marathon winner, a top salesman or a body builder. What I do hear are stories of people who set their goals, work hard and have a thirst for success.

 

When I was in Peru I was told the Incas had 3 Laws that they lived by, one of which was to work hard or Llank’ay. The law of service, work, and the creative expression of your individual gifts. Find what inspires you, what your passion is and then put it into action.

 

We’ve probably all heard by now about the curse of the lottery winners. So many people who win the large jackpots end up broke soon thereafter. Some people have theorized that it’s because they haven’t had to work to get the money so they either don’t value it or feel as though they don’t deserve it. As a result, they end up spending it and giving it away so quickly that they soon find themselves financially where they started. Personally, I’d like to test this out for myself J.

 

So the next time you’re hiking up that hill, looking to make a career move or trying to loose a few extra pounds, remember that the only real way to get the success that you’re looking for is going to have to come from inside of you and of your own hard work. No one can hike that hill for you. We may need to find some folks to help motivate us and keep us on our path, but there will never be someone who will be able to do it for us.

 

So find your hill, set your path and get hiking! Good luck on your next climb to the top, hope to see you there!

Mystic Travelers

Happy Friday!

As many of you know, I recently spent two wonderful weeks in Peru on a trip led by Gregg Braden. I’ve been so fortunate to tell some of the stories over and over again with new listeners each time, and yet I’ve still not told the entire story. But one question that keeps coming up is; what was your favorite part about the trip? That is such an easy question to answer, the people!

As I mentioned in my first email after returning from my adventure, I had gone through some pretty serious culture shock. Many people took that to mean that I was having a hard time coming back from two weeks in remote areas and immersed in a different culture, which makes total sense given the term I chose to describe it. But that really wasn’t it at all.

I have to be honest, before I left for the trip I was a bit concerned as to how I would get along. Typically, I like my vacations to be agenda free and go with the flow. I generally like to find out what the locals do and avoid the ‘touristy’ type outings. Being an only child, I’m also not one that seeks out vacations that include large groups. So there I was, about to head out on a trip with 30 other people with a rock-solid daily agenda. Breath Kathie, you’ll be ok. I spoke those words each day for the week leading up to the trip. Imagine my surprise to find out that the 30 people I anticipated was only the half coming from the LA side of the world, there was another half coming from Miami! When I heard our group’s total was really 67, well you can guess what I said; Wholly crap! Breath Kathie, breath very deeply Kathie, you’ll be ok…. I guess the good news was that I heard this news after being up for the better part of 48 hours, so I was a tad groggy.

The LA group had already started bonding on the first day we were in Cusco, Peru. The Miami contingent had been delayed due to severe weather in the Miami area. I was getting somewhat comfortable with our group of 30 (still fairly large in my mind). Now on the second day in Cusco, the second half of our group arrived at our ‘hotel’ (a converted monastery – absolutely amazing!). Some of us had commented that we truly hoped that they would be able to blend into the group as easily as our group had bonded. Our concern was needless.

There is absolutely no way that I could have anticipated the amazing group of people who I was about to spend the next two weeks with. We came from 27 states and 8 countries, each bringing a unique set of experiences and personalities. This group of Mystic Travelers was such an amazing subset of our collective whole and not a single day went by without one of them enlightening me in some way.

At home, I typically wake up around 6:30 and get going on my day. But on this trip, I found myself waking up earlier and earlier until 4:30 became the norm. I couldn’t wait to wake up, shower and get to breakfast to see who I was going to share a table and conversation with. Not a single day disappointed. The breakfasts were a treat in themselves. Each day we had a sprawl of wonderful fruits, cereals, eggs and a private chef creating custom omelets. Of course we have the never ending supply of coca tea as well! As we were filling our bodies with the nourishment for the day, we were also filling our souls with the stories of home, the previous day and the anticipation of what was yet ahead of us. “Good Morning”, smiles and heart-felt hugs were your daily welcome. The group of 67 came to feel as close as a group of 5.

I’ve managed to take a piece of each of them home with me in my heart and memories and am forever changed from the trip. I value and appreciate each and every Mystic Traveler and hope that we will continue to stay in touch for many years to come.

I may not be doing as good a job as I should to stay in touch with my Peruvian travel buddies, but we’ve all gone back home to our other travel buddies of a bigger trek through our little galaxy. I’m going to make a point to reach out to some of my fellow travelers that I haven’t spoken to in a while. Perhaps you may want to do the same with someone that you have shared an experience with and haven’t been in contact with for a while. I’ll bet you’ll both be glad you did. After all, we’re all Mystic Travelers.

Live long and Prosper  J….

Awareness

Happy Friday!

 

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

When life closes a door, God opens a window.

It’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s how you deal with them.

This too shall prepare me…

 

Those are all sayings that we’ve heard before (the last one is mine J), but they are so incredibly true. We have all been given challenges in our life and it’s how we deal with them that defines us, and typically helps define the outcome.

 

I was asked yesterday to give an example of how I handle adversity. I found that it was both easy and difficult to answer that question. On one hand, there were so many options to choose from, how could I narrow it down to think of only one. On the other, we all deal with adversity everyday so I had pretty healthy database to pull from. Unfortunately when adversity strikes some people, they tend to burry their head in the sand and then complain that they have sand in their eyes. Ignoring our problems and hoping they go away never works.

 

So often through history, it’s only been after someone has faced major adversity that they’ve achieved great success. It’s also been through this process that we’ve seen people band together and do what they can to make a difference. I wanted to take this opportunity to highlight such a mission.

 

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and whether you’re a man or a woman everyone of us can make a difference. Awareness and early detection is critical in the fight against this disease. As many of you know, I lost my mother to breast cancer. She only found that she had it after she went into the emergency room when she completed her shift in the hospital. My mother was a nurse and knew the folks on duty. She told them that she was having trouble breathing (something she hadn’t shared with me). When they took the x-rays, they found that her lungs were about 90% filled with fluid. This was a result of the cancer that had gone undetected. They immediately admitted her and went to work. They couldn’t perform the mastectomy right away because they needed to drain her lungs before the surgery. After a very long 24 hours of flights to get home to my mother, the first vision of her was her sitting up in her hospital bed with a tube the size of a garden hose sticking out of her back draining the fluid from her lungs. Needless to say, she was in a lot of pain and something no one should ever have to go through. And that was only the beginning of her battle.

 

I’m writing about this now not for sympathy or to simply share some painful moment. I write this because I hope that it moves you into action. We can all do our little part to help ensure this never has to happen again! If you’re a woman, be sure that you’re taking all the appropriate preventative actions such as monthly self exams, scheduled mammograms (yearly for the over 40 crowd and every 3 – 5 years from 20 – 39, more regularly if there’s a family history) and staying informed. In addition, there’s a few other ways to get involved this month…

 

Of course, there’s the Susan G. Komen walk this month (www.komenphoenix.org). This is a great way to get out and take a walk or run for a very important cause.

 

The Army of Women is a new research project that is focusing on the causes of the disease and stopping it before it starts. They’re looking for volunteers who are willing to be a part of this project. This is your chance to be part of the research that will hopefully end breast cancer forever (www.armyofwomen.org).

 

And perhaps the easiest way possible to help is to just click to donate! Go to the following site as often as you can and just click on the button! The sponsors of this site donate towards free mammograms for those who can’t afford it. You can even sign up for a daily reminder email (www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive)!

 

Awareness is the first step in getting through any issue. During this month let’s keep this cure on everyone’s mind, most importantly; our own.

Be Quiet

Happy Friday!

 

For those of you who read the title, it’s not what you might think. Do you ever find yourself running from one appointment to another, going from one phone call to the next without a breath or looking back your day and knowing that you were extremely busy but have no idea what you did all day? If the answer is yes, you’re not alone.

 

How often do we say that it seems like time is going by so much more quickly these days. In some instances it literally is, but now’s not the time for a lesson on Einstein’s theories. In everyday reality, time isn’t really going by any more quickly today than I was in 1901 or 1950 or even 1980. So why does it feel like it is? It’s because we are trying to pack so much more into our days than ever before in history.

 

Imagine back to the early 1900s. Scratch that, we don’t have to go that far, think back to the 1980s. Once you’ve gotten past the spiked hair, wild clothes and awesome music, think about how different our daily life was. There was no smart phone, email or even internet! It’s funny, I used a typewriter for the first time in years last week and it brought back so many memories. The typewriter that I used last week was state-of-the art in it’s day compared to what I first learned on. I remember the first time the fancy, new electric typewriter with autocorrect came out. I thought it was one of the coolest things I had ever seen! It saved so much time and was so much easier to use. I could get so much more done. And so it began…

 

Way back in the 80s, if we wanted to talk to someone we called them on a landline. One home phone, one call at a time. If the person wasn’t home, you had to actually wait until they came back to talk to them! Corresponding with someone out of state typically meant writing a letter and sending it through the mail. That was back in the day when we used to look forward to receiving the mail. We’ve come a long way…

 

Today’s smart phones ensure that we’re connected to everyone and everything at all times. We have our phone in our ear, our email in our hands and the internet is a click away, and it’s all with us at all times. Can you even think of the last time you left the house without your phone (and email and internet and texting….)? Think of the amount of people you used to communicate with in one day back in the 80s. Now think of how many people you will communicate with today and the amount of information that is at your disposal and you’ll be processing.

 

So is time really going by more quickly? No not really. But we’re trying to pack so much more into each day, each hour each minute that it certainly seems like it. But what can we do about it?

 

Be quiet. I honestly believe that our society has forgotten how to slow down. We have so much that we feel we must get through each day and often if we take time to just relax and do ‘nothing’, we somehow feel guilty about it. But isn’t this something that we should be doing? I find that if I take time to just be still, pray, meditate or even lay down and just stare up at the stars I am a much more centered and calm self. My first boyfriend, Jeff, and I used to do that quite often back in the early 80s. We used to lay on our backs on the hood of his car (74 Buick Century J) and just stargaze, all the while dreaming of what could be in our lives, in our world and even out ‘there’.

 

So while you’re making out your daily task list or adding that appointment to your calendar, make sure that you add some quiet time to your schedule. Some believe that you should block an hour a day. I haven’t quiet gotten there yet, I’m happy with making it a natural part of my day. Sometimes in the morning I just sit outside before I start my day. Sometimes it’s at night staring at the stars. What ever the duration or location, be sure to make it your own and take time to be still and have your quiet time.

 

Have a great, and peaceful weekend!

Sticks and Stones

 

Happy Friday!

 

Man what a morning! My foot is killing me! I walked right into the wall and stubbed my toe. I’m such an idiot!

 

How many times have you said something like that? Is my toe really killing me? Am I really an idiot? For the record, that didn’t really happen, I’m only using it as an example.

 

This topic has come up so many times this week that I just knew I had to share. I’ve found it very interesting that the more I really pay attention to the words I’m using, the more I’m also noticing the words others are using. And if we’re using negative, inflammatory or potentially hurtful words, what kind of impact could they be having on me and others?

 

For instance, if I call myself an idiot or a moron over and over again throughout the day, what is that doing to my self-confidence. And if I’m telling people I think I’m an idiot, what are they going to think of me? While they may not really think I’m an idiot, if I’m not thinking very highly of myself, why should someone else? Of course we all do things that are less than our most magnificent self, but perhaps we can call them just that. Instead of saying I’m such an idiot for one reason or another perhaps we can say well that wasn’t a magnificent moment. The point being, we can take away the focus of saying something negative about our self and isolate it to the incident and give it the weight it deserves.

 

Was my foot really killing me? Are we really starving or going to kill that person? Perhaps what we really mean is my foot hurts a lot and I’m really hungry and upset with someone….

 

While we’re taking time to mind our language, think about what others may be hearing when you say something that you think is harmless. I’ll use the word that’s a bit of a trigger point for me, Bastard. Now I know the intention that most people have when they say it and it’s not meant as a hurtful word, but it once was.

 

When I was about 7 or 8 I heard the word bastard for the first time, or at least the first time that I could remember. I remember it so well because someone used the word hurtfully towards me. They said that I was a bastard. Not knowing what it meant I went to the dictionary to look it up and well, there it was, I’m a bastard. From Websters;

 

1: an illegitimate child

2: something that is spurious, irregular, inferior, or of questionable origin

3 a: an offensive or disagreeable person —used as a generalized term of abuse

Imagine the pain that my mother felt when I came to her asking why someone would be so mean as to say that to me and why there even was such a hurtful word. I’ll never forget the look on her face. It never occurred to me how deeply that word hurt her as well. Honestly, if I had to do it all again I’m not sure that I would have ever shared that incident with her. While that wasn’t the only time I was called that word (why are we so cruel to one another?), that was the only time I shared it with her.

 

Thankfully times have changed and no one calls me that anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t hear the word anymore. We all use words that we don’t really mean, but almost every time I hear that word it brings me back to when I was a child and made to feel hurt and ashamed. I know that people don’t use it that way anymore and they definitely don’t intend to hurt me or anyone else with such terms. But the truth is that there are people that may hear something that you’re saying that does have meaning to them. I’m sure if you took a moment you could come up with a few such words.

 

Am I being too sensitive, maybe. But I don’t really believe the old “sticks and stone” saying because words can and do hurt, sometimes more deeply and longer than a stick or stone.

 

So maybe take a little extra care on the words that you use to describe yourself, your actions and others. You just never know who’s listening and what may be their hurtful memory.

 

Hopefully you’ll have a magnificent day with many magnificent moments!